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"I don’t have a fear of commitment. I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be close, I get confused. I don’t understand all of it, but I keep pushing because I hope this thing, this universe, there’s no way that I’m the only person out there who wants something this bad, if I want it, someone else out there must too."

Source: psych-facts
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expels:

my talents include stress eating and falling in love with people that will never love me back

(via andrewquo)

Source: expels
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I wanted to be by your side,
Stay by your side, always,
There to see time take it’s toll
On the both of us, wrinkled hand
Reaching for skin weighed down
By the efforts of life, though your
Eyes remained the same blue,
Like the deep depths of the sea,
Though your smile remained the
Same gentle, tender thing,
Habits and expressions unaffected
By the efforts of life, still the things
I fell in love with, etched into my mind
With careful, deliberate movements.

I wanted to grow old with you,
But you have grown tired of me
And we are still young.
What can be done?

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Like a toothbrush gone too far
Towards the back of the throat,
It was an accidental evil on
The path of a cleansing fight,
This silence of yours.

I had never called this love —
Too gentle, too tender compared to all
The loves I had felt before.

The broken love that left me
Sobbing silently in the shower, unable
To understand why it couldn’t be,
Why it lived in me when there was
Nothing to survive on.

The bitter love that tasted sweet
At first, but soured with time,
And it was far too late to rinse the
Taste from my mouth, far too late
To call it anything simple.

The distant love that screamed
It’s way from my throat, as if my
Pain would be heard across the
Chasm of hopelessness, somehow
Reach in a way I couldn’t.

I had never called this love —
Too kind, too soft to be compared
To the violent heartache I associate
With love.

And yet, here we are,
A whisper of love brushing like
A caress against my cheek, and
Like when a toothbrush goes too far,
I gag, choke at the feel,
Stomach heaving.

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I’m counting on the idea
That you’ll stay,
But if you wish to leave,
I won’t stop you.

When you start to drift,
I’ll leave things for you to
Remind you I am here,
I am here, I am here, please,
Darling, please,
but if you
Choose to ignore, I won’t follow
Where you go.

I’ll let you live your life, because
Though I am yours, you are not mine
And I understand. I know
My worth.

Just know that when you leave,
I will always wait, no matter how
Hopeless, counting on the idea
That you are worthy of boundless love,
Counting on the idea that you’ll return.

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"Come lay with me. I wanna talk about nothing with someone that means something."

- (via xdaaimy)

(via one-small-star)

Source: trillvcvm
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wild-lion:

damn boy are you liquid eyeliner because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna fuck this up

(via wantmynameback)

Source: nickelbackthatassup
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Some days, I worry that if I look away from you,
Let time and life do what they do best -
Pull me away from what I long for because
I’m too scared, too proud, too broken to try anymore -
I’ll find an ocean between us.

I fear I’ll grow mad with so much blue to greet me,
Endless sky and endless sea endlessly separating
Me from that which has never been mine -
How could I possibly cross an ocean when
I was too afraid to even stretch out for your hand?
How could I possibly expect you to cross an ocean
When you were the one that remained still
As I drifted away from you?

It feels as if fire and ash lives in my heart
And I’m burning away just by breathing -
Stop and smell the smoke
Rising from my bones, any moment now
I’ll spew lava from my mouth, all fiery tongue
And gnashing teeth, a desire to destroy everything
Just to exist once again.

Some days I feel like an island.
Some days I think that no one will ever explore
That wide, restless sea to find me.
Some days I try, no matter how pointless, fighting the
Inevitable crash to stay, for just a little bit longer,
Just for you.

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makemestfu:

EVERYTHING RELATE
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I wish I could hold your hand,
Or,
Even less,
I wish I knew you wanted to hold mine,
Or,
Even more,
I wish you held my hand until
I grew tired of it, uncomfortable with the
Collecting sweat from nerves and the
Heat of the day, needing my hand to
Do something else, anything else.

But I am far away
And you are even further —
I wait and wish and know
That wishes are in vain,
Though I’m drowning in wishes.