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"I didn’t know it
myself, but I loved you like
one loves a shadow."

-
I adored what was 
never really there, just the 
idea of someone. 

Haikus by leaveyouapen
(via leaveyouapen)
Source: leaveyouapen
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buttermilkqueen:

when ur chewing gum and talking and the gum falls out of ur mouth

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(via andrewquo)

Source: beeblejuice
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eanieckiv:

"you wear your heart on your sleeve

I wear my heart on these keys”

by eaneikciv on hitrecord

(via hitrecord)

Source: eanieckiv
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wanksclub:

i’m the nokia phone in a room full of iphones

(via andrewquo)

Source: wanksclub
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She sighs, looking at herself in the mirror, spotted with water and toothpaste stains from overeager brushers. She observes the messy hair, the smudged makeup, the darkening bags under tired eyes, and wonders how it got this way after just a few hours of sleep.

She doesn’t smooth her hair down or wipe the makeup away, doesn’t try to clear the devastation caused by a night of chaos. This isn’t a vanity look into the mirror. She peers closer at herself, silently searching for the person that had adored him so absolutely. It takes a while, after brushing through the remnants of strangers’ hands on her body, shaking off the rough feel of scruff on her skin, and finds the dusty memories of kind smiles, tentative hugs, shirtless displays. It makes her smile, these memories of him pale with innocence, but she watches it slide away into sorrow.

She rubs her hands roughly over her face, turning away from the mirror, from the girl she keeps trying to lose, to forget, the girl so desperately ready to love him, to be loved by him, even if it was impossible. Even when he stopped caring. The far too innocent and hopeful creature that could never stop wanting him, no matter what he did. She wanted to lose that girl even as she wanted to hold onto him, imagining the loss of that girl would lessen the pain of not having him.

She spends her nights with a group of lost children, losing herself in the camaraderie and alcohol, ignoring the hopeless drifting that fills everyone around her. She lets herself forget about him in the kindness of strangers, lets the alcohol do its job and relax her lips and tongue, charming others with her bubbly friendliness free of desperate flirting and smiles, lets strangers touch her and worm their way into the thoughts he once occupied.

She won’t admit to herself that it is love she feels for him, that the loss of his attention was a shot through the heart, a death of a dream that once kept her afloat. She’s drowning, she admits this to herself, clinging onto strangers like driftwood one night a time. She’s trying to forget him by losing herself.

But she still finds that hopeful, dreamy-eyed child within her, holding onto him in a gentle embrace.

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